Another Guilt Monster Attack or Just Plain Old Grief?

I'm leaving for a girls trip today to Palm Springs for a little weekend away.  I was packing last night and tucked away in the corner of my closet is a shoebox where I keep all of the cards that Jeff and I gave each other throughout our ten years together.  I just couldn't help but pull it out and start reading. 

I made it through all of the cards I had given him, remembering how quick I was in the beginning of our relationship to express how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.  I was proud of myself for being that open and vulnerable.

But then I read the first card from him and started bawling.  You know, the really ugly, snotty, blubbering, can't-catch-your-breath kind of sobs?

There's just something about packing to go on a trip now that gets me.  I went on plenty of girls' trips while Jeff and I were together so it's not that we never traveled apart, actually, I traveled more without him than I did with him.

I just miss him.  I miss asking him if I should take this or that.  I miss him being there when I got home from the trip and asking me what kind of shenanigans all the girls got into.  I miss his love and comfort knowing he was there at home.  He was my home.

I'm not sure if I should call this a guilt monster attack or just chock it up to plain old grief.  I guess it doesn't really matter.

I'm tired this morning but am ready to relax and enjoy my friends this weekend.  I don't have any anxiety or tension, just a calm, slightly sad feeling.

I compare a good cry to a rainy day in San Diego.  They are rare but when they come, they wash away a lot of crap and things feel refreshed and clean once they clear up.

Here I come Palm Springs!