Over my spring break Wyoming and I drove out to Casper, Wyoming to close down his apartment. It took us three days to drive out, three days to pack up his apartment and put most of it in a storage unit out there, and then three more days to drive back. I drove one of his vehicles and he drove the other and both were packed full of the stuff that he wanted to bring with him.
With the fantastic weather in Wyoming it was a fun drive for this California girl who has never driven in sleet or snow (I meant that sarcastically) let alone a vehicle packed full of boxes and stuff. It was not my favorite spring break to say the least but he is now officially here.
We are still working out where he is going to live but the plan as of now is that he will be living on the land I bought back in April of last year in a travel trailer that he bought last month. We are still waiting to get the land cleared so he has a spot to put the trailer so in the meantime he is staying with me. We all know how I feel about that from this post.
I made him get a little storage unit to house all of the stuff he brought with him. This guy comes with a lot of stuff! But I need to remember that it's normal, it is part of his whole life that he didn't leave behind in the storage unit in Wyoming.
This has been a stressful time for both of us. He has given up his life with family and friends and his job out in Wyoming to be here with me. He has to find a new job and figure out his new normal out in San Diego, which is quite a bit different than Wyoming.
I am grateful that he was willing to give so much up for me and move out here to be with me, but it's also a little scary since it means this is real and we are committing to a life together. The last person I committed a life together with died so, you know, I hope that doesn't happen again.
Moving forward is awesome and frightening at the same time.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Monday, April 9, 2018
April 8th
Another wedding anniversary without Jeff has passed.
This year, I, of course, knew it was coming, but just a few days ago the conscious realization of it essentially smacked me in the face. I had a slight feeling of panic as I was going about my normal routine and life and then I freaked out, what day is it today? Oh, phew, it's just the 4th...I didn't forget about it or miss it whereas in the past, I was painfully conscious of the day, sometimes months, weeks, and days leading up to April 8th.
This time last year I had multiple breakdowns mainly because I was in escrow to the buy the land. This year I haven't had any breakdowns yet, but I'm weary since Wyoming and I are in the process of figuring out how he can move here so we will no longer be long distance.
I wonder if this timing is coincidence or Jeff's work since after he was diagnosed, he told me he didn't want to leave me alone.
Or maybe this is just life, and life moves forward if you want to truly live.
All I know is that I miss Jeff on our wedding anniversary and I wish he was still here with me to celebrate seven years married and fourteen years together.
This year, I, of course, knew it was coming, but just a few days ago the conscious realization of it essentially smacked me in the face. I had a slight feeling of panic as I was going about my normal routine and life and then I freaked out, what day is it today? Oh, phew, it's just the 4th...I didn't forget about it or miss it whereas in the past, I was painfully conscious of the day, sometimes months, weeks, and days leading up to April 8th.
This time last year I had multiple breakdowns mainly because I was in escrow to the buy the land. This year I haven't had any breakdowns yet, but I'm weary since Wyoming and I are in the process of figuring out how he can move here so we will no longer be long distance.
I wonder if this timing is coincidence or Jeff's work since after he was diagnosed, he told me he didn't want to leave me alone.
Or maybe this is just life, and life moves forward if you want to truly live.
All I know is that I miss Jeff on our wedding anniversary and I wish he was still here with me to celebrate seven years married and fourteen years together.
Monday, April 2, 2018
But It's MY House
It's been almost three years that Wyoming and I have been together. We are currently still in a long distance relationship but we are talking more about him coming to live in San Diego and what that will look like.
He would like to be able to move in with me. But I don't want him to live with me. I know that's not quite fair to him. He is the one leaving his friends and family, leaving his job, and moving to a city he's never lived in. He is the one who would have to find a new job. He is the one that is sacrificing a lot for us to be together. I do feel bad that he is giving up so much to make our relationship work but I still don't want him to move in with me.
I've thought a lot about why I don't want him to move in with me. I've come up with a few reasons I don't want him to move into my house and the main reason is that I think we need to start a life together and I'm not sure I can do that in the same house I had a life with Jeff.
I bought my house by myself before Jeff and I were married. As a young single female, I was very proud and very possessive of my house and I still feel the same way. When Jeff moved in with me, I didn't allow him a say in pretty much anything regarding the house. I chose the paint colors, I chose the concrete pattern and color for the backyard, I chose to put in hard wood floors, I chose to put in synthetic grass, I chose all of the furniture and what went on the walls. Jeff didn't have a say in any of that, but Jeff also didn't seem to care. I think he was kind of happy that he didn't have to make any of those decisions.
Wyoming is different. He has some clothes and personal belongings in my house already but they are put away out of site for the most part. He has very little in my closet. He does have his motorcycle in my garage and that actually annoys me, when I know very well that it shouldn't. What this all tells me is that I don't want Wyoming to change any part of my house, which is extremely unfair to him. I am aware of that. He should have the ability to come into the place he is going to call home and make it his own. But my mentality is that the house is mine and mine alone. Not a good mentality when you are starting a life with another person.
My solution is for Wyoming and I to develop the land I bought and put a house on it that will be ours together. We will both have a say in all parts of the house and we will work as a team. I will not have the right to make decisions regarding our home all by myself.
Wyoming doesn't want to wait to develop the land and build a house to move to San Diego. He thinks it's unfair for him to sacrifice so much and worry about finding a place to live and paying rent for an apartment while we are developing the land and he is looking for a job. My answer to that is that we need to wait before he moves here, but he is tired of being long distance.
We are at a standstill.
He would like to be able to move in with me. But I don't want him to live with me. I know that's not quite fair to him. He is the one leaving his friends and family, leaving his job, and moving to a city he's never lived in. He is the one who would have to find a new job. He is the one that is sacrificing a lot for us to be together. I do feel bad that he is giving up so much to make our relationship work but I still don't want him to move in with me.
I've thought a lot about why I don't want him to move in with me. I've come up with a few reasons I don't want him to move into my house and the main reason is that I think we need to start a life together and I'm not sure I can do that in the same house I had a life with Jeff.
I bought my house by myself before Jeff and I were married. As a young single female, I was very proud and very possessive of my house and I still feel the same way. When Jeff moved in with me, I didn't allow him a say in pretty much anything regarding the house. I chose the paint colors, I chose the concrete pattern and color for the backyard, I chose to put in hard wood floors, I chose to put in synthetic grass, I chose all of the furniture and what went on the walls. Jeff didn't have a say in any of that, but Jeff also didn't seem to care. I think he was kind of happy that he didn't have to make any of those decisions.
Wyoming is different. He has some clothes and personal belongings in my house already but they are put away out of site for the most part. He has very little in my closet. He does have his motorcycle in my garage and that actually annoys me, when I know very well that it shouldn't. What this all tells me is that I don't want Wyoming to change any part of my house, which is extremely unfair to him. I am aware of that. He should have the ability to come into the place he is going to call home and make it his own. But my mentality is that the house is mine and mine alone. Not a good mentality when you are starting a life with another person.
My solution is for Wyoming and I to develop the land I bought and put a house on it that will be ours together. We will both have a say in all parts of the house and we will work as a team. I will not have the right to make decisions regarding our home all by myself.
Wyoming doesn't want to wait to develop the land and build a house to move to San Diego. He thinks it's unfair for him to sacrifice so much and worry about finding a place to live and paying rent for an apartment while we are developing the land and he is looking for a job. My answer to that is that we need to wait before he moves here, but he is tired of being long distance.
We are at a standstill.
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