But It's MY House

It's been almost three years that Wyoming and I have been together.  We are currently still in a long distance relationship but we are talking more about him coming to live in San Diego and what that will look like.

He would like to be able to move in with me.  But I don't want him to live with me.  I know that's not quite fair to him.  He is the one leaving his friends and family, leaving his job, and moving to a city he's never lived in.  He is the one who would have to find a new job.  He is the one that is sacrificing a lot for us to be together.  I do feel bad that he is giving up so much to make our relationship work but I still don't want him to move in with me.

I've thought a lot about why I don't want him to move in with me.  I've come up with a few reasons  I don't want him to move into my house and the main reason is that I think we need to start a life together and I'm not sure I can do that in the same house I had a life with Jeff.

I bought my house by myself before Jeff and I were married.  As a young single female, I was very proud and very possessive of my house and I still feel the same way.  When Jeff moved in with me, I didn't allow him a say in pretty much anything regarding the house.  I chose the paint colors, I chose the concrete pattern and color for the backyard, I chose to put in hard wood floors, I chose to put in synthetic grass, I chose all of the furniture and what went on the walls.  Jeff didn't have a say in any of that, but Jeff also didn't seem to care.  I think he was kind of happy that he didn't have to make any of those decisions.

Wyoming is different.  He has some clothes and personal belongings in my house already but they are put away out of site for the most part.  He has very little in my closet.  He does have his motorcycle in my garage and that actually annoys me, when I know very well that it shouldn't.  What this all tells me is that I don't want Wyoming to change any part of my house, which is extremely unfair to him.  I am aware of that.  He should have the ability to come into the place he is going to call home and make it his own.  But my mentality is that the house is mine and mine alone.  Not a good mentality when you are starting a life with another person.

My solution is for Wyoming and I to develop the land I bought and put a house on it that will be ours together.  We will both have a say in all parts of the house and we will work as a team.  I will not have the right to make decisions regarding our home all by myself.

Wyoming doesn't want to wait to develop the land and build a house to move to San Diego.  He thinks it's unfair for him to sacrifice so much and worry about finding a place to live and paying rent for an apartment while we are developing the land and he is looking for a job.  My answer to that is that we need to wait before he moves here, but he is tired of being long distance.

We are at a standstill.