Good Morning?

I hate being a widow and I really hate cancer for making me a widow.

I also really hate how many necessary people there are to tell that my husband is deceased.  I hated telling family and friends.  It really sucks royally to just ruin people's days like that.  I hate having to console people when they find out the news from me, the widow herself.  I hate having to make all the necessary calls to Social Security, his employer, my employer, insurance people, the mortuary, banking institutions, credit card companies, cell phone company, our dogs groomer, the DMV, and every other necessary person who needs to know.  I just want to grieve in peace, but there are so many things that need to be taken care of in the days following the love of my life leaving me forever.  So many stupid, yet necessary, worldly things.

Brand spanking new widows rarely have a good moment, let alone a good morning.  Mornings, if they are lucky enough to have gotten ANY sleep at all, just remind them of the fact that they are alone.  I'm trying to have a good morning and then I remember the long list of bullshit I have to take care of before I have to go back to work since they only give you 3 days of bereavement. Like any widowed person in their right mind would be capable of thinking even remotely clear after only 3 days!  Luckily, I could afford to take off extra time, although as my report-back-to-work date is looming, I'm not sure if 3 weeks is enough.

This morning I took our dog into the groomer.  Jeff was the one who took care of that so of course I got lost going there because if anybody actually knows me, they know I'm geographically and directionally challenged. That's why I married a UPS man who knew the zip code to EVERYWHERE and could tell me how to get anywhere in the entire county.  Then, after I finally get to the right groomer, they of course only have his information and I had to inform them that he is deceased (did I already mention that I hate telling people this) and they of course are horrified and I get the head tilt with the sad eyes, which always starts the water works.  I don't do well with sympathy.

I thought I was having a good morning but nope, good mornings are not in a widows forecast.  We, instead, get to go directly to jail, without passing go, and without collecting $200.  Talk about a shitty card to be dealt.