A Widow and Her Rings

Originally published April 23, 2015:

A widow and her wedding ring is a touchy subject.  This is such a personal and individual decision.  Every widow handles this differently and every widow deserves to be supported and respected in her decision.

Having said that, I am conflicted about my wedding ring.

I have, of course, read multiple blogs, pamphlets, all kinds of literature, and discussed this topic in my bereavement group and with my therapist.

I remember, after the first couple months in my bereavement group, a woman whose husband died from lung cancer about a month before Jeff talked about how she would never take off her ring.  About 9 months later, she was no longer wearing her ring.  Obviously, this was not an easy decision for her and I applaud her for growing and changing and not being afraid to move forward, we all know about my guilt monster with moving forward.

I wore Jeff's wedding ring on a necklace for about 13 months and then took it off.  What made me decide to take it off?  There were a couple of factors: Jeff's ring constantly got tangled with the heart pendant that Jeff had given me which I haven't taken off going on 9 years now.  His ring would get knotted with the chain and other pendent multiple times a day.  Since I'm a side sleeper, my necklace with the pendant and Jeff's ring, would practically choke me at night as I rolled over.  His ring constantly ended up under my shoulder or behind me.  I also just didn't feel...right (I guess that is the correct word to use) going out on dates with his ring around my neck.  My first date that I went on was with the Apple Guy, I took Jeff's ring off of my necklace and put it in my safe.  I haven't worn it since and I feel ok about it.

But my wedding ring is different.  I have taken off my wedding ring all of three times so far.  Twice on dates with the Apple Guy and on one other date.  For some reason the other date I had, I kept my ring on.  I'm sure the reason has to do more with how interested I am in these men.  The more interest, the less likely I wear my ring, even though all of these men know that I am a widow.

But I've been thinking more and more about taking my ring off or switching it to my right hand.  I have my tattoo on my left ring finger so I know I will always have "Jeff" on my left ring finger.  I'm about to go on my 4th first date and I'm not quite sure how interested I am in this guy but I also am moving more toward taking my ring off or switching it to my right hand in general, not just for dates.

I'm just not sure if I'm ready.  I guess not being sure is a sign that I'm not ready?

Update:  About a week after I published this post, I took my ring off and put it in my safe.