What a Great Thanksgiving!

I had a fantastic Thanksgiving yesterday. My aunt hosted so I was pretty much stress free since I was only responsible for a handful of dishes.  I got to sleep in, leisurely cook, and go to a Pilates class which was so refreshing compared to last years 4:30am alarm to start cooking and the mad dash of getting everything prepared and ready to transfer to my parent's house.  Last year was full of the stress of hosting and it was still a great Thanksgiving, but it's nice not to be in charge and just be able to enjoy the day.

It was also Wyoming's first Thanksgiving with my family and it was so nice having him here. Everybody was very welcoming and he fit right in with my crazy family. There was plenty of fantastic food, lots of interesting conversation, and a ton of laughter.

I did think of Jeff, Grandma, Uncle Jerry and Mom but didn't dwell on the sadness of missing them. I am definitely thankful for having had all of them in my life and also thankful for the people I still have in my life.  I couldn't have asked for a better Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving

Last year I was in charge of organizing Thanksgiving for my immediate and extended family.  This year my aunt decided that she would host Thanksgiving, which has taken an enormous amount of work off of my shoulders.

We have rarely had Thanksgiving at anyone else's house other than at my parents' house.  I think my sister hosted one year because her in-laws were in town, but last year and again this year, she will be going out of town to spend Thanksgiving with her in-laws.  The majority of the years, practically all holidays have been spent at my parents' house.

Some family members were a little hesitant about the first Thanksgiving without my mom being somewhere other than the usual tradition of it being at my parents' house, but I think change is inevitable and it needs to be embraced.  Plus, my aunt hosting takes a lot of pressure off of me not having to host and organize Thanksgiving this year like I did last year.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving; spending time with family, eating good food, having very little responsibility and stress, and Wyoming is in town for his first Thanksgiving with my family.

I will of course miss Jeff and my mom terribly but there are still a lot of things to be thankful for.

Hopefully no matter what is going on in your life, you can find something to be thankful for.

My Dad Went Out on His First Date

This past weekend I went over to my parent's house (well I guess it's just my dad's house now that my mom is gone but I'm not quite sure when I'll stop calling it my parent's house) for our weekly Sunday BBQ.

I needed to drop my car off to get the oil changed and my dad met me there and picked me up.  I got in his car and asked him how things were going.  He told me that he is a little at a loss because he said in the past couple of weeks 3 single lady acquaintances have been very forward about letting him know that they were willing and waiting to date him and then proceeded to give their phone numbers to him.

He was very surprised that these three women were so forward and were willing to give him their phone numbers without being asked.  I'm not surprised.  My dad is a very attractive man, in good health, with plenty of money, and very little baggage since my sister and I are grown and take care of ourselves.  He said it seemed like they waited 3 months after mom died and now they are all coming forward and it is a bit overwhelming for him.

He said he wasn't quite sure what to do.  I told him if these women are this confident and forward then he needs to be honest with them and tell them that he's new to this and unsure of how he feels about it. 

I asked him if he found any of these women attractive and would enjoy spending some time with them.  He specifically talked about one woman he used to work with before he retired and that he thought she was attractive and enjoyed her personality and she also didn't seem to have too much baggage since her children were grown, she's been divorced for 10 years, and has her own money.

He decided to give her a call and met her for a beer.  He seemed to enjoy the time and said he was thinking about calling her again to have lunch.

My dad and I discussed the fact that Mom was ok with Dad dating after she was gone and he expressed that he wasn't feeling any guilt over wanting to spend time with another woman.

I'm glad that my dad has no guilt.  Guilt is the biggest thing I struggle with now that Jeff is gone (Hello guilt monster!)  Jeff and I never had the conversation about dating after he died so it makes me very happy that my parents were able to have their conversation and Dad can transition easily hopefully with very little or no guilt about anything.

I'm sure this first date is the beginning of many more for my father and I couldn't be happier for him.

Maria and Judy Are Back

Remember when I wrote about how my oldest friends didn't want to be my friends anymore?  You can read about it here if you missed it or don't remember.

Since my mom died, my relationships with Maria and Judy have slowly improved.  They have known my mom since we were all in middle and high school and my house was the place to hang out.  They highly respected my mom and loved her very much.

They were very hands on with the planning and organizing of my mom's celebrations of life.  They were very dependable and gracious.  Since then, we have slowly begun to mend our friendships. They both met Wyoming when he came into town for my mom's celebrations of life and were respectful and kind.  I cannot ask for anything more.

I am glad that we are coming back together.  Our friendships will not go back to the way they were and I'm fine with that.  People evolve and so do relationships.  We cannot hold on to the past, or worry about the future too much.  We have to live in the present and enjoy what's right in front of us.

Right now, I'm enjoying Maria and Judy back in my life.

Another Birthday

I turned 38 on September 22, the same age Jeff was when he died.  I think about that sometimes.  He only got 38 years, who knows how many more I'll get.  He died about 2 months after he turned 38.

Wyoming took me to a little private resort on an island off the coast of Belize for my birthday.  It was absolutely fantastic and a great way to celebrate my birthday.  I'm lucky to have him in my life.

I still think about Jeff every day.  I wonder sometimes what our life would be like if he never got cancer, if he was still alive.  Would I have made the switch to another school?  Would we have been pressured to have a baby?  I think about how he would have handled watching my mom during her illness and how he would have responded to her death.  Would we have traveled as much as I have traveled with Wyoming in the past 3 and a half years?

It's crazy to sit and think about some of these kinds of questions, the road your life is on and how certain blocks and barriers and choices affect your journey.  Sometimes I think that once I make it 2 months after my 38th birthday, I feel like it is borrowed time since Jeff didn't get more time.  When I think these thoughts, it reminds me that I need to live a full and happy life.  I think about how I need to make the best out of every situation since Jeff didn't get the same opportunity, I don't want to squander the extra time that he didn't get.  I don't think I have as much guilt about moving forward (I say that now, and hope that my guilt monster isn't scheming to wage war against me) and being happy.

Jeff's 42nd birthday is coming up October 24th and we aren't planning to go to Las Vegas as of now.  This may be the first year since he's been gone that I won't celebrate Jeff's birthday in Las Vegas.  His friends decided to finally switch it up and went to Denver last year instead of Vegas.  I don't know what they are planning for this year.  It makes me a little sad but I also feel ok about it.  Everybody moves forward at some point in time.  We can't live in the past, we have to do what is right for us in the present, even if it means giving up decades old traditions.

Another birthday without Jeff.  I know he's wishing me a happy birthday and is smiling down on me with that big goofy grin of his.

Trauma Island's Fate?

Not only did Hurricane Irma ruin my dad's first vacation after my mom died but it also destroyed Trauma Island.  Hopefully I will never need Trauma Island again in my life, but I took such comfort in knowing that it was always there to help me and others close to me if needed.

Hurricane Irma also destroyed the Caribbean Island that Jeff and I honeymooned on.

My heart goes out to all those affected by Hurricane Irma.  I hope Trauma Island can recover and rebuild just like it helped me recover and rebuild after Jeff died.

Dad's First Vacation Without Mom

My dad went on his first vacation without my mom this month.  He and one of his best friends that he's known for over 40 years rented a house in the Florida keys from September 1st through September 30th.

Well if anybody followed the news, Hurricane Irma destroyed the Florida keys on September 10th.  My dad and his friend managed to get a flight to Miami September 5th, then rent a car and drive in traffic for two days to make their way up to Atlanta to stay with my uncle.  My dad booked a flight home for tomorrow from Atlanta and his friend drove to Alabama to be with his daughter.

Luckily, my dad was able to get out of the keys a few days before Irma hit but obviously they can't go back to enjoy the rest of the vacation because of all the damage.

It has been a harrowing week with my dad being in the path of a category 5 hurricane but I'm so happy that he is safe.

I guess his first vacation without my mom didn't go all that well, but when I really start thinking about it, it could have been a lot worse.  I think my mom looked out for him in her own way, since many people did not get out of the keys in time.

I hope this doesn't stop my dad from taking another vacation.