Say What You Need to Say

I had an awesome conversation with my mom the other day.

I know we still have time left, hopefully years, but I've learned my lesson from Jeff.  I felt I said what I needed to say to him and heard what I needed to hear from him for the most part, but there are still some things I wish I would have asked and things I now know I needed to hear to help me heal after he was gone.

So, I said what I needed to say to my mom and I also told her the things I talked to Jeff about that I'm glad I got to hear and also the things I wish I would have asked that I felt I needed to hear now that he's gone.

There were a few tears during this conversation but mostly it was lighthearted with some laughs about a very serious and heavy topic. I'm so lucky that my mom is such an easy person to open up to and I feel like she had the opportunity to open up to me.

One of the hardest, yet most important things we talked about was what she was thinking in regards to the end of her life and how she would like to pass. Ultimately, that is her decision and I understand and respect her when she says that she wants to think about it and discuss it with my dad before she makes a final decision.

Going through what I went through with Jeff, I know I am strong enough to let her go before I am ready to let her go, no matter how much I want to keep her here in the physical world.  Although we may suffer tremendously in losing her, ultimately, it's her decision and no person has the right to interfere with her decision so it's important that she communicates what she wants to the people who have the power to make the decision if she is unable to voice what she wants near the end.  I asked her to have these conversations with my dad and sister as well as any other family members that she thought might need it.

I feel like I said what I needed to say and heard what I needed to hear. And with so much time left with her, I will be able to have even more things to say and hear even more things I need to hear to be able to heal once she finally leaves us for a much better place.