Wednesday, October 18, 2017

My Dad Went Out on His First Date

This past weekend I went over to my parent's house (well I guess it's just my dad's house now that my mom is gone but I'm not quite sure when I'll stop calling it my parent's house) for our weekly Sunday BBQ.

I needed to drop my car off to get the oil changed and my dad met me there and picked me up.  I got in his car and asked him how things were going.  He told me that he is a little at a loss because he said in the past couple of weeks 3 single lady acquaintances have been very forward about letting him know that they were willing and waiting to date him and then proceeded to give their phone numbers to him.

He was very surprised that these three women were so forward and were willing to give him their phone numbers without being asked.  I'm not surprised.  My dad is a very attractive man, in good health, with plenty of money, and very little baggage since my sister and I are grown and take care of ourselves.  He said it seemed like they waited 3 months after mom died and now they are all coming forward and it is a bit overwhelming for him.

He said he wasn't quite sure what to do.  I told him if these women are this confident and forward then he needs to be honest with them and tell them that he's new to this and unsure of how he feels about it. 

I asked him if he found any of these women attractive and would enjoy spending some time with them.  He specifically talked about one woman he used to work with before he retired and that he thought she was attractive and enjoyed her personality and she also didn't seem to have too much baggage since her children were grown, she's been divorced for 10 years, and has her own money.

He decided to give her a call and met her for a beer.  He seemed to enjoy the time and said he was thinking about calling her again to have lunch.

My dad and I discussed the fact that Mom was ok with Dad dating after she was gone and he expressed that he wasn't feeling any guilt over wanting to spend time with another woman.

I'm glad that my dad has no guilt.  Guilt is the biggest thing I struggle with now that Jeff is gone (Hello guilt monster!)  Jeff and I never had the conversation about dating after he died so it makes me very happy that my parents were able to have their conversation and Dad can transition easily hopefully with very little or no guilt about anything.

I'm sure this first date is the beginning of many more for my father and I couldn't be happier for him.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Maria and Judy Are Back

Remember when I wrote about how my oldest friends didn't want to be my friends anymore?  You can read about it here if you missed it or don't remember.

Since my mom died, my relationships with Maria and Judy have slowly improved.  They have known my mom since we were all in middle and high school and my house was the place to hang out.  They highly respected my mom and loved her very much.

They were very hands on with the planning and organizing of my mom's celebrations of life.  They were very dependable and gracious.  Since then, we have slowly begun to mend our friendships. They both met Wyoming when he came into town for my mom's celebrations of life and were respectful and kind.  I cannot ask for anything more.

I am glad that we are coming back together.  Our friendships will not go back to the way they were and I'm fine with that.  People evolve and so do relationships.  We cannot hold on to the past, or worry about the future too much.  We have to live in the present and enjoy what's right in front of us.

Right now, I'm enjoying Maria and Judy back in my life.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Another Birthday

I turned 38 on September 22, the same age Jeff was when he died.  I think about that sometimes.  He only got 38 years, who knows how many more I'll get.  He died about 2 months after he turned 38.

Wyoming took me to a little private resort on an island off the coast of Belize for my birthday.  It was absolutely fantastic and a great way to celebrate my birthday.  I'm lucky to have him in my life.

I still think about Jeff every day.  I wonder sometimes what our life would be like if he never got cancer, if he was still alive.  Would I have made the switch to another school?  Would we have been pressured to have a baby?  I think about how he would have handled watching my mom during her illness and how he would have responded to her death.  Would we have traveled as much as I have traveled with Wyoming in the past 3 and a half years?

It's crazy to sit and think about some of these kinds of questions, the road your life is on and how certain blocks and barriers and choices affect your journey.  Sometimes I think that once I make it 2 months after my 38th birthday, I feel like it is borrowed time since Jeff didn't get more time.  When I think these thoughts, it reminds me that I need to live a full and happy life.  I think about how I need to make the best out of every situation since Jeff didn't get the same opportunity, I don't want to squander the extra time that he didn't get.  I don't think I have as much guilt about moving forward (I say that now, and hope that my guilt monster isn't scheming to wage war against me) and being happy.

Jeff's 42nd birthday is coming up October 24th and we aren't planning to go to Las Vegas as of now.  This may be the first year since he's been gone that I won't celebrate Jeff's birthday in Las Vegas.  His friends decided to finally switch it up and went to Denver last year instead of Vegas.  I don't know what they are planning for this year.  It makes me a little sad but I also feel ok about it.  Everybody moves forward at some point in time.  We can't live in the past, we have to do what is right for us in the present, even if it means giving up decades old traditions.

Another birthday without Jeff.  I know he's wishing me a happy birthday and is smiling down on me with that big goofy grin of his.