Betrayal or Disappointment

I have been reading so many widow's blogs.  I find comfort in them because I know they are going through a similar experience as I am and I like to see how my journey is comparing to their journey.  Not in a competitive kind of way but almost in a mentoring kind of way, especially if they are years out of the initial loss.  I feel like it's a form of therapy.  These widow's are giving me advice and letting me know what to expect down the road and how they handled or should have handled certain bumps in their road.

One thread I find common among us all is we all experience disappointment, usually in the form of betrayal from people we thought were looking out for our best interest, such as friends, family, and/or our in laws.

Most of the bloggers find that right when their spouse died, they had enormous amounts of love and support.  They are grateful and express that gratitude over and over again in their blog.  As time passes, I noticed that the majority of bloggers hint at trouble in their relationships.  This might come within weeks, months or sometimes as long as years after the death of their spouse but it seems to come nonetheless.  Most seem to happen with their in-laws.  The in-laws show so much love and support initially, but then the widow feels betrayed by them somehow.

I myself have expressed my gratitude toward my in-laws and the support they have given me in my blog.  I felt so loved, so protected, so a part of their family.  They lived with me the first two months after Jeff died.  Then Jeff's brother moved from another state to live with me.  I feel as though I would not have survived without them.  But as time passed, I also felt betrayed.  I posted about this last month and how deeply this affected me.  I called it "an obstacle."

After some reflection and discussing this in therapy and my bereavement group,  I wonder if it's because our in-laws are dealing with their own grief and they are no longer as careful with the widow's feelings.  That is the only thing I can think of to explain why my own in laws treated me the way they did a while ago.

I wonder if the other widows and I are just too sensitive.  I know I am on an emotional roller coaster and I know that this is completely normal, but that doesn't make it any easier.  Maybe if I wasn't so emotional, I would respond better to situations, especially those with my in laws.  Through all this pain it's hard to remember that others are in pain as well with their own losses.  I need to remember to be sensitive and empathetic towards them as well.

I wonder if it's a combination of both.  There are always two sides to every conflict. 

I wonder a lot of things about the aftermath of death.