I don't necessarily live in the past, I try to live in the present. But Jeff is my past and he is my past not out of any choice by either one of us. We didn't choose to be separated, it was chosen for us.
Wyoming is my present, but it's hard to not live in the past with Jeff. I don't know how to fully let go of Jeff and our past in order to fully enjoy the present.
What has me torn is that Wyoming's birthday is on Valentine's Day. It's hard to celebrate a new love's birthday as well as mourn the anniversary with your lost love. Wyoming and I have been together for almost 3 years now but since we've been a long distance couple, this is actually the first time we've been able to spend his birthday together. Usually we have to wait for a while before we can be in the same town together to celebrate. This year he is in town for his birthday.
I went to go buy Wyoming a birthday/Valentine's Day card and I couldn't help but think about Jeff because for years I was buying anniversary/Valentine's Day cards for Jeff. It's weird how I feel like I'm cheating on both of them.
It's definitely true that ghosts can haunt us and it's also truly unfair that I can feel guilty about loving both of them.
I hate cancer for making me a widow.
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