Friday, March 13, 2015

This Widow's Issues With the Dating Game

This whole dating thing is rough.  I haven't dated for over 11 years.  A lot of things have changed in the dating game.  I am definitely struggling with technology and dating as well as Attention Deficit Disorder and dating.

Let's talk about technology first:

I tried online dating back in my early 20's.  This is not new to me.  I remember comparing online dating to shopping in a discounted retail store like Ross or Marshalls.  You have to sort through all kinds of crap to find the one gem at a fantastic discounted price.  It could take you hours looking through racks and racks, shelf after shelf and you might still not find something worth while.  That has not changed with online dating.

I feel like this whole texting thing has changed the game though.  When Jeff and I first started dating, texting was around but nobody had a touch screen so texting was a pain and it wasn't as important.  Now, people would rather have a whole conversation through texting instead of on the phone, which sometimes leads to problems when people are misinterpreting tone and jokes.

I'm not on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any of those other social media outlets.  My friends are constantly checking all of those media and stressing, obsessing, panicking, and over-analyzing what they are seeing online.  No thank you. But I have been asked why I'm not on any of those online sites, almost like I'm hiding something.

And what is this about "googling" a potential date?  Why do I need to do research on the person before I meet them?  Isn't that what the date is for?

Another thing that I just don't get is my friends keep warning me about the infamous "dick pic."  What is that?!  I don't understand why a man would want to send a picture of his genitalia in all kinds of "scenarios" to turn a woman on.  I'm wondering what I need to do to avoid getting one.

Now on to ADD and dating:

Since I am mainly attempting to date online, I've noticed that the first contact via email, which then progresses to texting and phone calls, starts out in a frenzy.  Lots of communication in the first few days but I've noticed that the excitement then tends to fade, similar to how a shiny, new toy begins to fade and something else then catches your attention.

One thing I do enjoy though, I highly enjoy the attention.  There is a rush you feel when you have a new email in your inbox or your phone goes off and you look to check if it's the newest, shiniest "toy" thinking about you, wanting to know how your day is going, or just to tell you some wonderful witty remark.

What I do not enjoy is when I am no longer the shiny new toy and they find a replacement.  I guess I also need to admit that I also find a distracting, shinier, newer toy as well. So the ADD goes both ways.

I also noticed that there is never an "official" discussion about not being interested anymore.  My friends and I call it the "slow fade out."  The person just goes "radio silent" and are never heard from again, until a few days, weeks, or even months later when they sometimes pop back up to just say "how are you?"  Am I now shiny and new again?

Another thing I never thought I would have to worry about when I got married was the intentions of someone I was romantically interested in.  Now, as I'm navigating the dating game, I question some of these men's intentions.  Are they seriously interested in getting to know me or do they just want to get into my pants and then move on to the next conquest?

I've only been "dating" for a few months now, but I'm not quite sure if I'm cut out for it.  The shiny, newness of it all is starting to fade.  But I guess I have to admit that it's all still sparkling enough for me to have not found a new distraction.

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