I was telling some of my friends about how much reading widow blogs has helped me, how it's almost like a different form of therapy on top of my bereavement group and my own one on one therapy. They suggested I start my own blog and call it "Badass Widow" because they think I'm badass since I seem to be handling all this so well. They say that I could help so many other people the way other widow blogs have helped me. If they only knew about my guilt monster they probably wouldn't think I was so badass anymore!
Of course I've told no one, not even my bereavement group or my therapist, that I've already started this blog. I don't know why I haven't told anyone about this blog.
Maybe it's because I'm not ready to reveal some of these innermost thoughts and feelings, even though many of the posts are things I've already discussed with others.
Maybe it's because I don't want any pressure from those close to me to post things for fear that they aren't well written or insightful enough, or maybe even trivial.
Maybe it's because I would feel guilty for getting any form of praise for any of these posts since I would be getting praise only because I was doing something because Jeff is dead.
Maybe it's because I want to keep this just between me and Jeff and the tens of anonymous people who happened to have stumbled upon my humble little blog where I pour out my innermost feelings.
One day I might tell my family and friends about this blog, but maybe I won't.
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