Real Housewives

On the reality show "The Real Housewives of New York" there happens to be two widows.  Carole Radziwell was married to Anthony Radziwell who died in 1999.  Dorinda Medley was married to Richard Medley who died in 2011.

I recently watched an episode where Carole needed to go to London to pick up her husband's ashes.  Dorinda accompanied her to London.

There were a couple of things both women discussed while on this trip that hit really close to home for me.

Dorinda said that taking care of Richard wasn't a burden, it was an honor.

I can't agree more with this statement.  Both Dorinda and Carole talked about how the night after their husbands died was the first night that they actually slept.  Dorinda said that people don't sleep when someone is dying because they never know what could happen, whether that was needing to go to the ER or their husbands potentially dying when they weren't there or any other anxiety ridden scenario that could happen when you know someone is dying.

I related so much to this statement mainly because I remember this level of anxiety and being the person that was responsible to make the big decisions.  But even though I was under all of that stress and anxiety, taking care of Jeff was definitely an honor and I would have done it until the end of time if needed.  He was worth all of that stress and anxiety because he was my best friend and the love of my life.  Taking care of Jeff was never a burden, it was an honor.

Carole said that her husband was a big part of her life.  Maybe not in number of years but in her soul and in her heart.

This is a huge statement for me right now in my grieving process.  I bought my spot next to Jeff at the cemetery at the same time I bought his.  I remember people telling me that it might not be such a good idea, mainly because I had so much life left to live and one day I might meet someone who I may spend more years with than I spent with Jeff.  I understand that is a potential but time does not negate how important Jeff is in my life.  He will always be a big part of my life because he is in my heart and soul and time could never change that.

Both of those statements from Dorinda and Carole remind me that I am not alone in my grief and guilt.  Carole's husband has been gone for about 15 years and Dorinda's for less but, unfortunately, the widow's club is not something you can leave no matter how much time has passed.

Jeff died in 2013 so things are still a little sharp with me.  Like Dorinda, there are still "firsts" that I need to experience that worry me, but like Dorinda and Carole, I will get though it and move forward.

One of the biggest things I took from what these women shared was when Dorinda said that there was a life before Richard, there was a wonderful life with Richard, and there's a beautiful life to be had without Richard.  That is such a brave statement to make and I need to embrace it and live it myself.

I know I had a great life before Jeff.  I also had a great life with Jeff.  I now have to battle my guilt monster and have a great life without Jeff.

I so appreciate these women for being so brave and being such awesome role models for other widows.  Talking about such a personal experience and journey takes a lot of courage and to do it on national television inspires me.