Friday, March 17, 2017


I mentioned in my last post that my family has not been very supportive of my relationship with Wyoming.  I would like to clarify and say that my extended family has been very supportive.  Wyoming has met most of my aunts, uncles, and cousins.

It's my immediate family that hasn't been supportive.  They have been flat out against our relationship.  Wyoming hasn't met my dad, sister, or nieces.  He met my mom about a year ago before she went on hospice, but, unknowing to me, my mom didn't tell my dad that she was meeting Wyoming until afterwards, which caused some turmoil.

I have heard multiple times from my father over his displeasure of Wyoming's past.  Over the last year, my dad and I could not be around each other without yelling on both our parts and lots of crying on mine over my relationship with Wyoming.

But there has recently been a breakthrough.  My dad has asked to meet Wyoming when he comes to town for spring break next week.  Needless to say, my dad wanting to meet Wyoming has caused a lot of anxiety for me.  My dad is a very opinionated and outspoken person.  He is very strong in his beliefs and has absolutely no problem expressing himself, even if it offends people.  This trait was not only passed down to my sister and I, but Wyoming also shares this trait, which could lead to a very explosive meeting.

My sister is also very unhappy with my relationship with Wyoming.  She has refused to meet him or allow her daughters around him.  My sister is adamant that she does not trust my decision making abilities since my husband died, based off of some bad decisions I made in the first year he was gone.  She thinks that Wyoming is another one of those bad decisions, which has made seeing my nieces difficult and my relationship with my sister very strained.

The last few months though, there has been a bit of a truce within my immediate family.  We have all agreed to get along and ignore the elephant in the room for my mother's sake.  We have not fought and Wyoming is rarely mentioned.

My anxiety lies in the fact that I am enjoying this false peace within my immediate family since this false peace is better than yelling and crying every time we're around each other.  I am worried that if the meeting between Wyoming and my father does not go well, then it will open up old wounds and the fighting will begin anew.

I know from therapy, that I must push myself and not stay stagnant but the unknown is terrifying and where I am right now regarding my family is known, even if it is false.

But I also know that my dad wanting to meet Wyoming is a good thing.  My dad is willing to meet Wyoming and not just judge him based off of his past anymore.  I need to stop worrying and think of this as a breakthrough and not a fight.

So, we will see how the meeting goes.  Hopefully my father and Wyoming get along and the next phase will be my sister meeting him if she is open to it.  But that's a whole other battle.

I know that I cannot control others, I can only control my response to others.  Knowing this does not relieve my anxiety though.

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