Friday, August 4, 2017

Goodbye Mom, You'll Be Missed

My mother died on July 21, 2017 at 10:50pm.  She was the second eldest child of five children.  Her older brother died about 9 months ago.

My mother has been described as kind, strong, practical, private, intelligent, selfless, but most of all she has been described as being humble.  She didn't want to have any kind of service after she passed and she didn't want people to make a big fuss about her after she was gone, just like she never liked a big fuss made while she was alive.

My dad told her that he would honor any wish she desired except for her wish to not have a celebration of her life.  He told her that a celebration of life is more for the living.  Being the strong woman that she was, she still told him that she didn't want one.  Being the strong man my dad is, he continued to talk her into it until he finally convinced my mom that we were going to have a celebration of her life.

His main argument was that people need to pay their respects, that respect is not automatic, it is earned and I hate to admit to my dad when he is right, but I have no problem admitting that he was right this time.  She definitely earned a lot of respect.

When my mom finally did relent about having a celebration of her life, she told him that she wanted something small, with just close friends and family, I joked with her that she better make a list because her idea of small and intimate and dad's idea of small and intimate are two completely different definitions.

We also had to emphasize to her that there would be too many people who would want to pay their respects and there was no way we could ever deny them.  We reminded her about all of the people who visited her while her disease progressed and how important she was to everyone.  My mom truly had no idea the impact she made on others.

My mom was such a selfless woman.  She took care of all of those around her before she took care of herself.  I told her that as her disease progressed that she needed to finally relax and let all of us take care of her, that it was her time to be lazy and demanding.  But I also know how much she hated being dependent and on the sidelines.  She expressed multiple times how frustrated she was that her body was betraying her.

But throughout her disease, she never complained.  I believe that she was able to be so strong through it all and tolerate such a debilitating disease because she had my father taking enormously great care of her.  There is not another soul on this earth who could have done a better job caring and comforting my mother than my dad.  In the end, she drew strength from him and looked to him for relief.

My mom was a very private person, but when she was asked a direct question she would open up. She told me that her proudest achievements in her life were her daughters.  Her biggest regret was that she wasn't able to travel as much as she wanted.  She wanted to see and do so many more things.

Our family has suffered some devastating losses in the last few years.  Through those losses, my mom has been the rock in our family.  Her wisdom, selflessness, and firmness have always guided the entire family.  She led by example.

She can never be replaced.  Now that she is gone, our family will remain strong and steadfast together because that is what she wanted.  Family was the most important thing to her.

She will be missed terribly.  She is still watching and guiding us in her own way.  We will take comfort in our memories of her and she will always be in our hearts.

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