April 8th

Another wedding anniversary without Jeff has passed.

This year, I, of course, knew it was coming, but just a few days ago the conscious realization of it essentially smacked me in the face.  I had a slight feeling of panic as I was going about my normal routine and life and then I freaked out, what day is it today?  Oh, phew, it's just the 4th...I didn't forget about it or miss it whereas in the past, I was painfully conscious of the day, sometimes months, weeks, and days leading up to April 8th.

This time last year I had multiple breakdowns mainly because I was in escrow to the buy the land.  This year I haven't had any breakdowns yet, but I'm weary since Wyoming and I are in the process of figuring out how he can move here so we will no longer be long distance.

I wonder if this timing is coincidence or Jeff's work since after he was diagnosed, he told me he didn't want to leave me alone.

Or maybe this is just life, and life moves forward if you want to truly live.

All I know is that I miss Jeff on our wedding anniversary and I wish he was still here with me to celebrate seven years married and fourteen years together.