Memory Quilt

After a spouse dies, it falls on the survivors to figure out what to do with their belongings.  This is a very personal decision and what works for some does not work for all.  I asked everyone I knew, which wasn't very many people since there wasn't anyone close to any of my friends or family who had died in the last 15 years.  I asked my bereavement group members, I asked my therapist, I read every blog, brochure, and book I could get my hands on and each answer was a little different but ultimately stated that it was up to the living to decide what works best for them.

One of the options was to give things away to family and friends so I gave some things of Jeff's to the people I knew would appreciate them.

But what about the rest? I couldn’t even fathom the idea of throwing anything of Jeff's away and I also didn’t feel comfortable with donating his things so what I didn’t give away, I boxed up even though I didn't want to put my husband in a box.  Some of his stuff, especially some specific items of clothing had huge emotional meaning.

Another option I learned about was to make a memory quilt.  I learned how to quilt from a friend of mine whose mother is a master quilter with a long arm in Oklahoma.  I didn't feel I could emotionally handle making the memory quilt myself so she agreed to make a memory quilt of Jeff’s clothes. About a year and a half after Jeff died, I sat on my living room floor and cried as I went through the most worn and loved items of clothing he had. I continued to cry as I packed two big boxes of his stuff to send to Oklahoma.

A few weeks ago, I received Jeff’s memory quilt. It took almost 4 years to make. It was worth the wait.

It ended up being a king size quilt and absolutely stunning. The detail she included was unbelievable.  She took such care and put so much thought into this quilt.  The brown sashing in between the blocks was taken from his UPS uniforms and she included one of his UPS shirts.  She managed to put in his most worn shirts and shorts, some of his softball uniforms, and even the tie he wore at our wedding.  Every item of clothing all had so much meaning behind each one.

The quilt took up my entire living room floor.

Here's his UPS shirt.  You can see how worn the pocket is.

This is the tie he wore for our wedding and his favorite green shirt that she had to patch up because it had holes in it from being so worn out.  He loved that shirt.

I could include so many more up close pictures and go on and on telling stories about each one because each item of clothing had significant meaning behind it.  Seeing all of these items after four years brought up so many memories.  It almost felt like he walked back in the room.  The only thing missing was his smell and his laugh.

After I spread it out, I couldn't help myself, I just sat down on it and cried and cried.  A real ugly, gut-wrenching cry that just didn't stop.  Each time I would try to pull myself together I would see another little item and detail, and I would start all over again.

It was emotionally exhausting and very hard.  I eventually had to just fold it back up and store it back in a box.  I hope one day that I'll be able to display it.  I know that the more I'm exposed to it, the less sensitive I will be but after all this time, seeing all of these significant items of clothing is just too much.  Knowing how much care was taken in the making this special memory quilt hits me right in the heart.

I'm so grateful to her for taking such extraordinary care in creating this beautiful masterpiece.  It truly is a gift from heaven.