Anger Has Arrived!

I officially feel anger.  I know in a previous post I said I didn't feel anger, yet.  I'm glad I included the adverb "yet" because that bitch arrived and arrived in high fashion.  I'm angry about a lot of things and then I just feel sad after and feeling sad just makes me angry all over again.  What a vicious cycle.  Some things I'm currently angry about:

• It makes me angry that I'm so alone.  I get happy when I feel I've made a connection with a new person only to remember that they have others in their lives that are their priority.  I was once the number one priority of Jeff's, now I'm nobody's number one priority and to be honest and fair, I don't have a person in my life who is my number one priority so, that also makes me sad and angry. I'm trying to remember that people cannot make me happy, only I can make myself happy.
• I'm angry that this whole journey with grief is taking so long and WILL continue to take even longer, potentially indefinitely and that is a hard thing to accept.  Where is the light at the end of the tunnel??
• I get angry when I still get condolence/sympathy cards in the mail, especially if I might actually be having a good day.  It just reminds me all over again. I know people mean well but, right now, they make me angry.
• I just have an overall feeling of irritation and annoyance.  I hope this passes soon but from all the reading I've done, I know that it will return at some point.  I really hope that it doesn't return at this strength though.  
• Sometimes I feel like my skin is crawling I'm so irritated.  The only thing I've found is to exercise to relieve this.  I think it's called anxiety.  I'm pretty sure it's anxiety.
• I'm angry that my bereavement group only meets on the first and third Wednesday of the month from 12:30-1:30.  I practically have to take off the entire day to be able to go because teachers can't just leave their classrooms for a meeting or an appointment and it's a pain to get a substitute.

• Teenagers are annoying and make me angry.  It's their official job to be annoying and my official job as a high school English teacher is to realize this and not let it get to me.
• What really makes me angry and sad is I'm having a hard time feeling happy for others during their celebratory times.  It just reminds me how I was once that happy and now I'm in the pits of despair.  This is not who I am.  I have always celebrated my friends and I am happy for them.  But sometimes it's just so hard when I am in so much pain.

 I think I need to start getting some one-on-one grief counseling, maybe I just need some meds.