A List to Jeff

In a way, I feel like I died when Jeff died. 

Jeff was the love of my life...but since that life is over...I have the possibility of having a new love of my life...but it's so hard for me to understand how I can love Jeff so much still, yet love Wyoming so much as well.

It is said that widow's and widower's need to find their new normal, their new purpose, their new life.  So I am living a new life.  I was forced to be reborn.  I am learning to love someone new.

When I decided to start really thinking about dating back in January, I made a list of six things that I wanted in my next partner.  I wrote this in my journal where I wrote my letters to Jeff.  I recently went and found this journal because I remember thinking that Wyoming met most of the things on the list and when I found the list and reread it, he not only fit some but all.  Wyoming meets all six criteria from my list. 

I am now realizing that one of the best things about Wyoming that is not on my list of criteria is that he is just so understanding and patient and not threatened with me and my grief.  I will be having a complete and total meltdown over Jeff and how much I miss him and how guilty I feel and Wyoming just rolls with it.  He supports me and comforts me and does not seem threatened at all by my grief and love for Jeff.

This last meltdown happened on Jeff's birthday while I was in Vegas.  I was totally fine and then all of a sudden something triggered the grief and I was a blubbering, sobbing, snot-covered mess.  As usual, I called Wyoming and he was his typical, steadfast rock helping me through it all.

I truly believe that Jeff understands and knows how difficult it has been for me since he's been gone.  Maybe Jeff saw my list and helped find a man who could meet all the criteria from my list and even things that I didn't even know I needed. Wyoming really is someone very special.

I just think it's funny that Jeff had to go all the way to Wyoming to find him!