A Gift

I can't believe it!  I just found a card Jeff had given to me on one of my birthdays.  It was in the second drawer of my nightstand, a place I keep my facial tissues.  I've been in that drawer I don't know how many times and never noticed it, but I saw it last night and pulled it out. I don't know which birthday it was for because it wasn't dated.  It was a beautiful card with a sentimental note and then he wrote his own note.  It was truly a gift.

There is absolutely nothing like finding a card or any little scrap of paper that has his distinctive handwriting on it.  It is the most unbelievable gift, especially two years since he's been gone.  Finding something truly new, something I didn't know was there and had completely forgotten about, is almost like having him back.  And it's just so weird to find something like this in a place I look at frequently.

Anytime anyone posts a new picture of him on Facebook, or tells me a story about him that I've never heard before, or posts a short video of him being his typical hilarious self that I've never seen before, or when I find a card from him when I think I've found every last card he gave me, can only be described as a gift.  It's like he's giving it to me for the first time.  It's like he's still here because I'm still learning something new about him.

I think that's really one of the hardest parts about death.  Our experiences and encounters are now finite.  It's like you got what you got and hopefully it was enough, until the day you somehow get a gift and you're seeing a new-to-you picture/video, a long ago forgotten card or note, or hearing a new story.

So thank you Jeff.  Thank you for every card you ever gave me and thank you for keeping every card I ever gave you and stashing them like a scavenger hunt around the house so I can still find them two years after you're gone.

And thank you for finding a way to tell me that you still love me.  I know that you love me but it's always nice to be reminded.