Celine Dion

Another celebrity joins the club.

I've posted previously on Kathy Lee Gifford and Sheryl Sandberg and the compassion I have for them beginning their own private road and journey through grief.  Celine Dion not only lost her husband, but she also lost her brother.

I know first hand what I went through the first few hours, days, weeks, months, and now years and I do not envy them, just like I'm sure people did not envy me.  It is a long road, one that I'm still on and still struggle with.

In reading about Celine Dion, I came across this awesome article.  Here are some of the major bullets from it and my thoughts:

• You're going to be ok:
• It's hard to tell someone that they are going to be ok when they have no idea if that statement is actually true, but I still believe that everything in the long run, will turn out to be ok.  That doesn't mean that it will be what you thought it would be, and that, in itself, is ok.
• I felt so much guilt right after Jeff was diagnosed knowing that I was going to be ok.  I knew deep down that I would survive and be happy at some point after all the pain.  That is my own guilt monster I'm still overcoming at times. 
• You can reinvent your life:
• This is the scariest yet most empowering statement.  In the beginning stages you don't even want to think about changing, you just want what you once had back.  But everything and everyone changes in life.  You have to make your life into something that makes you happy even if that means letting go of the things that keep you tied to your previous life with your husband.  I know it's scary but it's important to figure out what you really want and go for it.
• There will sometimes not be an answer:
• This is one of the hardest things to come to terms with.  You can beat yourself up with the "why" question: "why me, why now, why us, why him, why, why, why?" but it doesn't really help, it just keeps you stagnant in a dark place.  Come to terms that you will not get an answer.  
• The pain will get better with time:
• I was so afraid that this statement wasn't going to be true for me.  But a little over two years in, and I have to say that it is true.  Time just keeps ticking and one day you look back and you realize that yesterday was better than the day before regarding the pain you carry in your heart.  That pain will never be fully gone, but I like to compare it to a dull knife.  It is so sharp in the beginning and draws enormous amounts of blood, but over time the knife dulls and less blood is drawn and now it's just a dull ache or sting.
• You are stronger than you realize:
• You may not feel strong, I know there are times where I definitely don't feel strong, but I know I am strong.  You will continue to get stronger slowly but surely.  Unfortunately, the worst thing that has ever happened to you, the thing that you think you just cannot handle, has made you stronger and will continue to make you stronger.
• You have resources:
• In this day and age, there are all kinds of resources you can use. There really is something for everyone.  If you are a social person (family, friends, grief support groups, therapy, online forums for grief, etc.) or if you prefer to be alone (widow blogs, grief literature in the form of pamphlets or books, one on one therapy, journaling, etc.) there are resources for you, use them!  There is nothing wrong with asking for help.  Sit down and decide what type of help you need, then ask for it.  I used every single one of these resources and they were a tremendous help to me.
• You can choose your attitude:
• Think about the things you still have to be grateful for.  In the beginning this is really hard but with time and practice it gets easier.  Then, you start focusing on the positive and what's still good in your life and less on the negative and you'll be surprised at how this carries over into day to day living.  Even if it's only one thing in the beginning (family, friends, pets, job, where you live, the sun shining on your face, the moon glowing at night, your car, anything.  If you literally can't think of one thing you are grateful for, please reinvent your life)
• Now that you have experienced the death of someone so close to you, you may have realized that life is short, you might as well make that life as happy as possible.  Choose to not waste time being miserable and sad.  Choose instead to try and smile and find something that makes you happy.
• Choose to have a positive attitude.