Sometimes it's hard when a widow hears these kinds of words. We are in the pits of despair and someone tells us that we just need to cheer up and have a positive attitude and our lives will be better. Like everything will magically become delicious like lucky charms or something.
Ummm...I don't think so. Our husband died: our best friend, our lover, our partner, our life. Who we were before is gone so it's practically impossible to think positively.
I definitely get it, there are times where I just literally couldn't pick myself up off the ground.
But I do have to say that I agree with this statement. I want to whine and complain and throw a temper tantrum and play the woe-is-me-widow-card when I'm having a rough day (I know I definitely have at times) but then I also remember that I only have this one life to live and, even though it's pretty sucky at the moment, I am the only one who can control my reactions to my situation.
Bad things happen to everyone, it's their reaction to the bad things that makes the difference. I very well couldn't control what happened to Jeff but I can control my reaction.
A few months after Jeff died, when I was going through a particularly tough spell, my therapist asked me if I wanted to stay where I was at that moment and be stagnant. When I replied no, he then gave me a terrible homework assignment. But, even though I absolutely hated that homework assignment at the time, it helped me climb out of my deep dark hole eventually.
If I don't like something I need to change it, and if I can't change it, then I need to change my attitude about it.
So, even though this whole "positive attitude equals positive life" thing angers and frustrates me sometimes, I have to admit that it's true.
I can't change the fact that Jeff died. What I can change is how I choose to live my life.
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