Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Always Good Tips

I'm reading a book called I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair.

I still find reading grief literature and widow blogs helpful.  Some of the following tips I remember focusing on in my early stages of grief and some of these are just strong reminders of what I still need to focus on:

  • If you need isolation for a while that's ok.  You will be with people when you are ready
  • Find a safe place to "go crazy" if you want to.  Go yell in the woods, throw rocks at trees, swear at the TV, punch a pillow, or wear the deceased clothes to sleep.
  • Be kind to yourself.  Perfection is not necessary; there is no arriving, only going.  There is no need to judge where you are in your journey.  It is enough that you are traveling.
  • Make a commitment to your future.  Commitment enables you to bypass all your fears, mental escapes and justifications, so that you can face whatever you are experiencing in the moment.
  • Get out of your own way.  The main block to healing from loss is the thought we shouldn't be where we are, that we should already be further along in our growth that we perceive ourselves to be.  Let these expectations go.
  • Affirm yourself.  Who you were and who you will be are insignificant compared to who you are.
  • Fear is not always a bad thing. If you allow yourself to experience fear fully without trying to push it away, an inner shift takes place that initiates transformation. 
Hopefully some of these tips are helpful not only in the grieving process but in life in general.

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