I just recently finished reading a novel called The Hypnotist's Love Story by Liane Moriarty. This is just one of the many novels my sister gave me months ago and I just got around to reading it.
In the last few months I have finally started reading for pleasure again. For a long time, all I was reading was grief literature in all kinds of different forms. I gave a "snippet" of just some of the grief literature I have read in a previous blog.
The Hypnotist's Love Story is not a novel about grief per se, but it does have a widower in the story as one of the major characters. This particular passage caught my eye:
"Colleen told me I'd fall in love again, and have more babies, and I said I wouldn't. I said I'd never be happy again. But I am. Sometimes I think, actually, this is better than it ever was with Colleen. It's deeper, it's more grown-up. It's just...better. Then I thank God and the Internet that I met you! And then I feel bad for Colleen, because it's like I'm thinking, thank God she died...Don't you ever have thoughts that totally contradict each other? Isn't it possible to feel one thing one day and the opposite the next? And the stupid thing is, when I have those thoughts, I feel like I should make up for it to Colleen by remembering all the good times I had with her. As penance. So the better it is with you, the more I think about her."
It's either been a very large coincidence or there are actually signs that I have been watching and reading all of these things recently (Widow Chick, Young Widowed and Rebuilding, Real Housewives of New York, The Hypnotist's Love Story) that are helping guide my feelings regarding my guilt of moving forward with my life, particularly with Wyoming. My guilt monster is fighting very hard to win but these "signs" keep emerging.
I really do feel that it is Jeff telling me it is ok to move forward and be truly happy again.