Goodbye My Beloved Bogey

I can't believe I'm saying this but my dog died November 29th.  She either had a heart attack or seizure while I was at work and by the time Wyoming could get her to the vet, she had already died.  She died exactly one month shy of Jeff's five year anniversary.  She was my last living connection to Jeff.  He was the one to name her Bogey because he loved golf so much.

I guess Jeff just couldn't wait any longer for her.

I've only had her for seven and a half years.  I adopted her a few months after Jeff and I were married.  When I first brought her home, everyone including Jeff told me I got a lemon of a dog.  She was a sixteen pound disaster aesthetically and behaviorally.  But all it took was some tender loving care and some time and she really blossomed.  She was not a perfect dog by any means, but I always called her my diamond in the rough.

After she was cleaned up, Jeff fell in love with her.  She was his constant companion when he was going through radiation and chemotherapy and was right with him when he died.  Then she was my constant companion as we both grieved Jeff.

Wyoming is especially distraught over her death.  They struggled to get along at times but these last couple of months, they really grew to love each other.  He has been home with her everyday since he moved here.  He was still a little rough with her but they were really starting to get along.  He had started teaching her tricks and she would nap with him.  They went on walks and adventures together while I was at work.  He feels guilty that he wasn't able to save her in time and that we got into so many fights over how she should be treated.  He now has lost his two pit bulls and Bogey within two years of each other.  He can't stop crying.  He really grew attached to Bogey and now that she's gone, he regrets how hard he was on her.  He keeps saying that he just wants his buddy back.

I can't stop crying either.  The entire house is full of her.  She has a kennel outside, one in the garage, and one in our bedroom.  She has a bed in front of the fireplace, her toy box by the TV, her chew bones and toys spread throughout the entire house.  She has a water bowl upstairs in our bathroom, and her food dishes downstairs by the kitchen.  Last year, I bought stairs for her to get up on my bed, and she probably has more sweaters and costumes than I can count.  The sweater she was wearing when she died still smells like her.  I've kept it by my bed and continue to smell it.  I am dreading the moment her smell is gone.

I knew how much my dog meant to me, but you really don't notice how much your life revolves around your dog until they're gone.  Her feeding, sleeping, and potty routine are habits that are going to be hard to break.  Not seeing her in the mornings, hanging out with me while I watched TV or read, not having her follow me around the house as I did chores, and not hearing her bark with excitement and run out to greet me when I get home from work is absolutely devastating. 

I loved her so much before Jeff died, then loved her even more after he died, and now she's gone, just like he is.  I don't know what I'm going to do without her, just like I didn't know what to do without him.  But at least when Jeff died, I had Bogey to comfort me.

I hope he was there to greet her and I hope that they are happy together.  I just wish they both didn't leave me so soon.

I gathered up all of her chew bones she had scattered around the house and took this picture a few months before my Bogey died.

I will miss this face forever.