Friday, December 18, 2015

Amen Sister!

This article by Widow Chick epitomizes how I feel right now.

Today is the last day of the semester at school and two years ago today was when I got the phone call from the doctor telling me that there was nothing else they could do for Jeff in the hospital and it was time to call hospice.  A little over a week later, he was gone.

Last year, I had a hard time (to say the least) when it came to the holidays.  I was almost expecting the grief to hit me hard again (and I may be jinxing myself since there is still a week until Christmas and about two weeks until the anniversary of Jeff's death) but so far I've been doing ok.

I really connect with Widow Chick's article about it getting "easier."  It's true what she says that the word "easier" doesn't really quite fit but it's so hard to explain these feelings.

This quote from her article is totally me:

"I know that, in the beginning, when someone would tell me that it gets easier, I wanted to know the exact date, time, and cause of death of the person's spouse so that I could compare notes with my own situation. her husband died two years before an in exactly six months, four days, and three hours things should be getting easier."
I used to say over and over "someone please tell me how to do this whole widow thing and then I can handle it, it will be easier.  Please tell me what I will expect tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day for the rest of my life."

But as Widow Chick says:

"Doesn't work like that.

And the truth is, that what "easier" means to someone could be completely different from your definition:  She could mean that she actually took a shower that morning and remembered to put on matching shoes while you're thinking she means that she is now remarried, got a promotion at work, and is training for a marathon.

I can assure you, that this journey is never "easy" for anyone...I don't care how far out you are or what your current life situation is.  Life will never be "simpler, uncomplicated, and effortless."

But I do have to say that this year, so far, the holidays have been "easier" for me.  I don't know if it's because of the passage of time, the new school I moved to last year, the relationships I have gained and lost since Jeff died, the work I've done on myself with my bereavement group, one-on-one therapy, and all the grief literature I've read, Wyoming, or all of the above combined.
What I do know is that I still feel like Jeff helps me through all of this and I continue to thank him for helping me.  I hope he never stops.

If you are having a difficult time this holiday season, hopefully it will get "easier" for you soon.

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